Charles Elmo Accetta was born in the Bronx, NY on January 30th, 1956. He began his career as a free-lance arsonist at the age of nine, but met with little success. When he moved with his family to Long Island in 1967, the buildings that Charlie previously failed to ignite went up like kindling at the hands of lesser firebugs. This failure provided a theme that would repeat often in Charlie's miserable life.
His middle name was a source for good-natured taunting by his classmates. His father, Elmo, who had the name passed down to him by his father, Elmo, passed the name to Charlie, who narrowly escaped having it as a first name. It seemed that Charlie's mother could endure only so much "Elmo" in her life and so drew the line at having one for a son. The name Charles was the product of a compromise, derived from his grandfather's preferred nickname - Carmelo. It appears that neither of the Elmos liked their name, since Charlie's father also adopted a nickname, literally Nick. When Elmo Jr.'s oldest brother, the actual Nick, returned alive from his service in WW II, Junior reverted to his given name. Considering the evident distaste both Elmos held for that name, it is reasonable to question what in the hell they were thinking in forcing it forward to the next generation.
In high school, Charlie was a curious combination of unproductive wise-ass genius and dirty-trickster athlete that everyone hates to admire, but does anyway. It takes a special type of person to induce such a high degree of self-loathing in people. Charlie was every bit of that. He graduated with an unremarkable school record, and then dropped out of college after one semester.
Charlie's work experience describes the further tale of his failures to set the world on fire. Jobs as a retail salesperson for audio components, factory worker and warehouse manager all ended badly. At one point, he supervised a crew on the loading dock at the Association for the Help of Retarded Children, where he discovered the limits of his ability to charm. Chagrined by the lack of response, Charlie dubbed his work area "Mongolia" and left the building shortly thereafter.
Charlie finally found a place to develop and spent nearly twenty-two years with that company, filling various positions and accomplishing many difficult tasks. During this time, he married, helped raise a child, and divorced. He was incredibly unhappy through this entire period, except for the moments spent with his daughter, whom he did not name Elmo. He left his long-time employer for a position as General Manager with a company hated throughout the industry. Friends warned him not to go. Charlie went and lasted little over a year.
This brings us to the here and now. Who is this guy, anyway? Charlie is:
A published poet and writer of short fiction
A former member of the US TAG to ISO/TC 69 Statistical Methods
Former Quality Representative for the National Fastener Distributors Association
A Certified Quality Assurance Auditor
A technophile who built his first IBM-compatible personal computer
A public relations and marketing expert
A movie reviewer and historian
A website designer
A father
A quotable source
A crank, an idiot … a vast wasteland of dried-up human potential
A lot of fun at parties
The smartest guy in the room
